Not you again?

Making the decision to share my experience wasn't easy. It was something I really wanted to do for many reasons but I was realistic that this was going to have an impact on the people around me. I did it anyway. Selfish? Maybe. But I don't regret it.

Not just because it's a relief to be honest about how I'm feeling but also because of the people I've come to know. So many of you have messaged me to share your own stories and although I can't wave a magic wand to make your depression go away I hope by being there I'm able to provide some comfort because you now know you're not alone.

Here's where you non-depressives come in. (See what I did there? It's like me and my fellow depressives are on the inside and you're not. Maybe we're the cool kids and you're the ones on the sidelines hoping to be invited to one of our parties. After all we've got the moves and the pills. Or maybe it's time to get together as a united group of people with different health problems; some of them physical, some of them mental.) Where was I? Oh yeah. If you don't suffer with depression but you're one of the people who got in touch to say you know someone who does here's a common problem.

Depression eats away at self confidence. It's like Jiminy Cricket got smashed and turned into a drunken acquaintance who can't wait to point out all the things that are wrong with you. And there's only the two of you, in a trapped lift, for hours and hours. We feel like we're a drain on our friends. That we are demanding too much attention. Guilty that we're not better yet. This is a long haul and it will take all your strength to stick with us. 

If you do have a friend/family member with depression try and keep in touch. They're not suffering from some virus that will go away after a few weeks of rest. It's highly likely that they need you but feel too embarrassed to ask for help because they're worried you'll be thinking 'not you again'. 

We do understand that you have your own families and jobs to deal with but you could be the difference between a really shit day, and a relatively shit day. Who knows? You might even be the catalyst for a day that doesn't feature any shit at all.

I'm lucky. Here are some of the things my friends do - in case you're stuck for ideas - and if none of these seem right this might help.

1. One friend sends me email updates when she's up before the kids. She asks how I am and then tells me what's going on in her life. A welcome respite from the noise inside my head and reminds me that I'm in her thoughts. She never makes me feel guilty if I struggle to reply; she's just there. Thank you.

2. Several friends send me messages/texts to say 'I saw this and thought of you' or ask 'how are you?' or 'how can I help?' Might seem like it's not enough but it is. Thank you.

3. A friend I haven't seen for years but who I love dearly sent me an incredibly thoughtful book because she noticed I'd started reading again. She also included a bar of dark chocolate because who wouldn't enjoy that? Thank you.

4. A friend's husband shared the brilliance of Gemma Correll; I've since passed this on to many people. She is a very clever lady and her illustrations are fantastic. The same friend's husband - I should call him a friend really* - always lets me know he's read my blog and makes me laugh in our conversations on messenger. Thank you.

5. A gaggle of very special women invite me to join them when they walk their dogs. A walk is a really good one. No need to look someone in the eye. No need to talk about how I'm feeling. Fresh air, exercise and usually much laughter. Perfect medicine. And unlike Kayleigh and Ken in Car Share we don't call this dogging. We know the difference! Thank you.

6. A friend regularly tells me I'm enough. In a variety of different ways but the core message remains the same: you're enough. Thank you.

7. After my last post the inner circle let me know I could call them. Anytime. You are truly wonderful. It's not an easy decision to be someone's 'talk me down from the ledge' person. I hope not to test you on this but it's good to know you've got my back. Thank you.

8. And finally the other two buzzy bees in my house. Who listen. Let me sleep. Forgive me when I'm inert. Enjoy me when I'm energised. Make me laugh. Allow me to cry. You are the best. Thank you.

Yesterday I messaged a few people who've been there for me. To let them know I was thinking of them for a change. It works both ways.

*Said friend's husband and I have since discussed this and agreed we are friends. Another win for today!